“Cold War Tuesday”

New this month from the University of Nebraska Press, Between Panic and Desire  by Dinty W. Moore is the “Insouciant” and “hilarious” tale of coming to terms with the events of the postmodern world. For Moore, those dealings happen to be the Kennedy assassination, the Cold War and all it’s intricacies, and of course standing on top of the world trade center and dropping acid. So for today’s Tuesday Trivia we are going to take a nod from Dinty Moore and explore our knowledge on the more lighthearted side of the Cold War. Convinced it doesn’t exist? Well then that “A for effort” is flying right out the window….



See if you can channel your Cold War history and fill in the blanks:
A.    Vladimir Putin
B.    Hungary- East Germany
C.    Vladvostok
D.    Russia, Soviet Union, and Siberia
E.    Hungarian
F.    George Bush and Mikhail Gorbachev
G.    Stalin

1.    Boris is an engineer in *********. He works every day from 5 AM till 1 PM at a heavy machinery factory…
Every day he prepares to go to work and packs the necessary things…
One morning he searches in his bag…
Boris: "Let’s see… aaah… Kommunist Party Membership Book, Kommunist Seminar Notebook, Pravda Newspaper, Kolhoz Membership Book…".
He goes to work and just before entering, he remembers something, looks into his bag and…
Boris: "I forgot the little hammer and the little sickle!"

2. The elder **********, and ********* are flying in a jet, arguing about which country has better life standards and stronger economy.
After a long discussion, ********* throws a Ruble our the window and says: "Today, I made a man happy!"
******* throws out 2 one Dollar bills and tells him: "Well, I made two people happy today!"
Hearing this, the two pilots start chatting with each other: "Shouldn’t we throw them both out and make the whole World happier?"

3. *** dies. He then goes to hell (of course).
In heaven, angels are awakened by a huge noise at heaven’s door… Saint Peter opens the door and what does he see… a crowd of devils creaming desperately.
Saint Peter: "What is wrong with you, what are you doing here?"
Devils: "We are the first group of immigrants from hell! We request political exile in heaven! Since ***** is down there with us, the whole hell has went nuts!"

4. The Iron curtain is a barbed-wire fence stretching from ****** to East ********* with guard towers and constantly patrolling communist border guards beside it who shoot everyone who attempts to escape through it into the free western World.
Future ******* cops are learning chemistry at their academy and they are asked by the lecturer who is testing their intelligence: "Tell me a transparent metal!"
Quickly, one of them jumps up and says: "Barbed wire fence!"

5. Following the ************* Revolution in 1956, the Soviet tanks rolled out of *********. The country was again free and democracy prevailed. ********** celebrated liberty for about 1 week. Then, the Soviet tanks came back in much larger numbers… The terror starts again…
Everyone is running for their lives, escaping to the free western countries.
Animals too… rabbits, eagles, snakes, and other species, all run in despair shouting to the other animals "Run for your lives! The red army is coming! Run as fast as you can!"
A fox suddenly stops and starts thinking… "Hey! Wait a second… The Communists are red, I’m red. They’re cunning, I’m cunning too! I could have a good future in the next government!"

6. The Cold War is over.
Communism tumbles and the mighty Soviet Union dismantles.
Russia’s red flag is swapped for newer white-blue-red one.
15 years after the regime change, Russia faces economic problems, poverty.
Coca Cola calls ****** ******* and they make him a deal: "Mr.President, we can get you a great deal that would triple your GDP! We would pay twice the amount Russia earns if you’d switch back to the old red flag and write Coca Cola on it".
****** laughs and replies: "No can do, koz’ we already got a deal with Aquafresh for our current flag".

7. Newspapers in the ********** always acclaim ******** inventions, sportsmen, etc., considering them superior to anything that the Americans create.
******* communist newspapers are full of phrases like: "The best sportsmen at the Olympics were the ****** sportsmen…", "The first man is space, ******** hero, Yuri Gagarin... ", "The best tank in the World, the T-72…", "The biggest country in the World is the **********…", "The coldest winters are in ******...", "We, ******** have the most powerful nuclear weapons...", "***** vodka is the strongest drink in the World..."…and so on. Everything ******** is the best, fastest, strongest.
An international dwarf competition is organized. Each country brings its shortest men to the contest…
At the beginning of the contest, the ****** ambassador keeps a speech: "Ladies and gentlemen! Without any doubt, the ********* dwarf is the biggest dwarf in the whole World!"
…no wonder they didn’t understand why they lost the competition…

Answers, along with the website where you can enjoy more politically inappropriate jokes, will be posted on tomorrow’s blog- but don’t cheat now. Remember bloggers, Big Brother is always watching….